The Bureau of Very Slow News · Last updated: July 2026
The Bureau of Very Slow News is a single-page novelty website. It displays figures about real astronomical and geological processes, computed on your own device from published physical constants and your clock. It is provided for entertainment. Figures are approximations extrapolated linearly and should not be relied upon for scientific, navigational, or scheduling purposes.
The site itself collects no personal information. There are no accounts, no logins, no forms, no comment fields, and no analytics operated by us. All calculations run locally in your browser; nothing you do on the page is transmitted to us.
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The site is provided "as is," without warranty of any kind. The operator is not liable for any loss arising from use of the site or reliance on its figures. Cosmic and geological events described here are real but presented with journalistic exaggeration; the Bureau is a fictional entity and is not affiliated with any news organization or space agency.
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Questions about this policy can be directed to hello@bureauofveryslownews.com.